Look at you!
Looking forward to reading your work.
Hey Jane, your story is very believable. The authenticity is probably my favorite part of what you explain and describe as you spin the yarn of your narrative. Your voice came across relaxed and genuinely interested in what you described, which added an element of simplified glee, a base level of positivity, which seems like a reflection of the love you feel for your sister. I do think some areas could improve. I’m not sure if the gynecologist appointment was related to your fake sick day. Additionally, the break in the middle threw me for a loop, I found I was struggling to follow you from point to point. If the final edition, you have two minutes two minutes to work with, so I would suggest telling the audience why Steven shut the water off, because as the story stands right now, I’m missing out on the punchline, and you’ve left me with more questions than answers. You are on the right track though, nice work.
Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:
You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. ( Log Out / Change )
You are commenting using your Twitter account. ( Log Out / Change )
You are commenting using your Facebook account. ( Log Out / Change )
You are commenting using your Google+ account. ( Log Out / Change )
Connecting to %s
Notify me of new comments via email.